How to Discover Your Authentic Self

We need to find the courage to say no to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.

– Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D, Author

 Imagine if you could look in a mirror and see who you really are, your authentic self. A genuine reflection, complete with thought bubbles that express your most sincere thoughts and honest opinions. Imagine looking into a second mirror that shows your perception of you. A third reflects the others perception of who you are. Chances are these representations are significantly different and the truth is somewhere between. But, how do you find a way to make all the images identical to your authentic self in this life of mirrors?

Shortly after our parental influences establish the difference between right and wrong (or don’t), we begin to form our own ideals and identity. As our awareness of the world and people around us grows, the pressure of dealing with expectations builds. Layers of “new identities” are added. We become different things to different people and begin to obscure the image of our authentic self. This process repeats itself throughout our lives until the people and events that alter us take control. We become who we feel we need to be to succeed or at least survive.

We cannot be happy being what others want us to be. It goes against our nature and causes continuous self conflict. We reshaped our identities to gain acceptance and thus denied who we were destined to be. Our paths veered away from the intended destination: self-actualization and fulfillment. Our original ideals that shaped our authentic self are buried under the layers of adjustment caused by reaction to life’s circumstances.

It’s time to “peel the onion.” Start by disconnecting the coping mechanisms that dilute or disintegrate the purity of character that was our original, authentic self. Take advantage of opportunities to gracefully display our authentic self when circumstances arise that normally would tempt us to compromise our ideals. Doing this will create a feeling of personal freedom. You will earn respect from others and yourself. Think about it this way; no one remembers those who just try to fit in and go unnoticed. On the other hand, no one forgets those who courageously remain true to their authentic self and inspire others to do the same.